Cramming For College - Pornosonic

You're about to let Dick Dagger into your ears. I hope you're sitting comfortably.

The origin of Pornosonic: A band of non-discloure agreement shackled musicians write music for some of THE BEST porn films of the last thirty years. A cache of lost recordings is recently discovered by Ron Jeremy, who immediately releases them onto an unsuspecting public. Some even say Pornosonic was created by Ron Jeremy in 1971 after a chance meeting with an LA session musician named Don Argott.

This is where the story begins to get a little fuzzy. Y'see, Don Argott was born in 1972. He's a documentary filmmaker first and foremost who plays in a number of bands on the side- including a project called Pornosonic whose music was featured in the film Old School.

Dig a little further and you find the second Pornosonic album- Cream Streets: Music From the Unreleased Motion Picture starring Dick Dagger. Except... The film never existed as far as anyone can tell- and neither did Dick Dagger!

So. Fake porn music for fake porn. Why should you care? Because- against a whole slew of odds- it's excellent. Eargasms my friend.

The music struts and spins on twelve inch platforms across pavements that bounce and boogie to each pounding beat of a fuzz bass sexing WOCKACHOCKA guitars barely contained by massive (Clavinet) organs. Just hit play on today's Best Song Ever- Cramming For College and you'll see what I'm talking about.

The musical references and sign posts are all over the map- from Stevie Wonder-fried blaxploitation to wah-wah tinged diva ballads (see the incredible Spider Pussy Slight Return). It's a wonder the band pulled off the music without it becoming a pure novelty act. The intercut skits from Ron Jeremy push it further into the land of tongue-in-cheek, but not dangerously so.

If the music had been a little less catchy- more like the equivalent of porn elevator music- this could have been one of the most groan inducing records on the planet. Thank christ that Don Argott and his friends are skilled musicians with an obvious love and understanding of the music they've decided to craft.

So let's go out and enjoy the sweet melodies and romance to be found in new classics like Sex Starved Secretaries, Laying Pipe and (of course) Her Magic Carpet.